Fast Food is nasty. Scary nasty. It's pure Lovecraftian horror. Insanely readable, a blend of three flavors that I wouldn't have thought went well together – Updike, Castenada, Lovecraft. He also sounds like my old friend Hunter S. Thompson.
Don Webb, UCLA writing professor
the enlighter side. AKA: Observations.
Here rests a truth: one can search for light and still examine the nature of darker thoughts.
I don't always look negatively on mankind, but when i do, it makes me snicker.
overheard at el coyote.
i consider this tequila-fueled zen philosophy of the highest quality:
"there's no time in my life where i've been hit in the face and didn't know exactly why i was getting hit in the face."
statistically speaking
i heard an interesting statistic: one out of three americans weighs as much as the other two. this was followed by an ad for mcdonalds shamrock shakes, available for a limited time.
the decline of things made with letters
here is how I see the reverse engineering of critical thought in written communications:
novel > novella > short story > essays > poem > haiku > limerick > facebook > instagram > chatbot. all hail the demise of shared human experience.
you oughta know
a psychic recently posed an interesting question, which i am still trying to answer.
"who are you before your thoughts?" for now, i think the answer might be: i am alanis morissette in 1995.
perception explained
according to recent scientific data, the average attention span for an adult is three minutes. it has been steadily decreasing since the industrial age and has been shrinking more rapidly than ever thanks to social media's business model of surveillance marketing (i'd explain it, but i'm almost out of time as noted above). this explains everything. it's why we can't solve large global problems. it's why only 57% of the population did not bother to read one book last year. it's why i need to finish this, because you are losing focus and need to get back to your infinite scrolling.
who's your daddy, zuckerberg?
hey facebook, the relationship goes like this:
i'm the daddy and you are the child. if i want an ad hidden and never want to see it again, it's not up to you to ask me why? or any other stupid fucking questions. i want the ad hidden because i said so. and that's it.
heil facebook!
a post showed up in my facebook feed regarding the movie, "jojo rabbit". it was commenting on how the portrayal of hitler was inaccurate because of his dietary choices in the film. i commented that in the movie "hitler also spoke english if we wanted to be sticklers about it." facebook threatened to suspend me for 30 days, citing the comment violated community standards. evidently, one cannot discuss the accuracy of movies in the presence of herr zuckerberg. i would like to use this opportunity to state that on this website, we are all free to discuss movies and the size of mark's cock, which he calls, "the placebo" (it's teeny tiny, by the way).
uh, is gigi there?
now that everyone has their own numbers, boys these days have no idea what it was like to call a girl's house and have their father answer the phone. we did this shit on a daily basis and it was b-r-u-t-a-l. and frankly, i feel robbed, not having the opportunity to torture some little dork trying to reach my daughter. who is this? what do you want?
common thread
Me: Do you know what everyone at a spiritual gathering has in common?
The Collective: They've reached the age where looking for answers and meaning to their life is an all-consuming quest.
Me: So they’re old and lost.
slip on shoes
what in the utter fuck is with all the slip on shoes? if you are not handicapped, and the only reason you need this kind of footwear is because you haven't seen your feet in a couple of years, you don't need to eliminate laces, you need to put a padlock on your refrigerator.
the joy of aging
wisdom is one of the advantages of age. if i wake up at 4:30, i have the common sense not to stay in bed, wasting time, wondering if it is better to just get up, and start writing. yes. it is. instead of tossing and turning and feeling guilty, i now fully accept that i'm awake. I get up, make some coffee, go to my computer, and procrastinate there instead.