While I'm writing my first horror novel about fast food, magical plants and the duality of man, here are a few other things I've written over the last 16 years.
these other books are available on amazon.
if you click the image to buy, know they were written by a previous version of me.
that, friends, is the duality of creative evolution.
i don't always look negatively on mankind, but when i do, it makes me snicker.
hey facebook, the relationship goes like this:
i'm the daddy and you are the child. if i want an ad hidden and never want to see it again, it's not up to you to ask me why? or any other stupid fucking questions. i want the ad hidden because i said so. and that's it.
a post showed up in my facebook feed regarding the movie, "jojo rabbit". it was commenting on how the portrayal of hitler was inaccurate because of his dietary choices in the film. i commented that in the movie "hitler also spoke english if we wanted to be sticklers about it." facebook threatened to suspend me for 30 days, citing the comment violated community standards. evidently, one cannot discuss the accuracy of movies in the presence of herr zuckerberg. i would like to use this opportunity to state that on this website, we are all free to discuss movies and the size of mark's cock, which he calls, "the placebo" (it's teeny tiny, by the way).
now that everyone has their own numbers, boys these days have no idea what it was like to call a girl's house and have their father answer the phone. we did this shit on a daily basis and it was b-r-u-t-a-l. and frankly, i feel robbed, not having the opportunity to torture some little dork trying to reach my daughter. who is this? what do you want?
writing horror is so much easier than comedy. Both require a level of skill and the truth in order to entertain, but with horror all you have to do is: honestly document your own monstrous behavior and the egoic malpractice of those you know, change their names, and voila. fiction.
Me: Do you know what everyone at a spiritual gathering has in common?
The Collective: They've reached the age where looking for answers and meaning to their life is an all-consuming quest.
Me: So they’re old and lost.
what in the utter fuck is with all the slip on shoes? if you are not handicapped, and the only reason you need this kind of footwear is because you haven't seen your feet in a couple of years, you don't need to eliminate laces, you need to put a padlock on your refrigerator.
i recently tried meat grown/cultivated in a petri dish. Not surprisingly, it tasted like chicken.
wisdom is one of the advantages of age. if i wake up at 4:30, i have the common sense not to stay in bed, wasting time, wondering if it is better to just get up, and start writing. yes. it is. instead of tossing and turning and feeling guilty, i now fully accept that i'm awake. I get up, make some coffee, go to my computer, and procrastinate there instead.
next time you are in a bar, walk up to a woman, cut a fart and say, "your turn". if she slaps you in the face, it's your fault for taking advice from someone who knows nothing. if she laughs, buy her a drink. if she responds with a fart of her own, get in your car, drive to las vegas, and marry that grade-a catch asap.
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